Condom Allergies

•September 14, 2007 • Leave a Comment

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With the ever-increasing rates of teenage/unplanned pregnancies and STD’s, it would seem there are a lot of people out there who are still anti-condoms (or anti-condom use). So this post is in tribute to them.

*People who are actually allergic to a certain type of condom are not exempt from this blast. After all, condoms come in different materials (and flavors! yum!).

Thank God for the Chinese, who have found wonderful (but, unfortunately, not as fun) alternative uses for the condom.

Taken from an email I received today:

Condom Fashion Show in China

Models paraded in outfits made of condoms during a fashion show at the 4th China Reproductive Health New Technologies & Products Expo in Beijing July 11, 2007. Condoms of all shapes and sizes were used to make dresses, hats and even lollipops. Models fought through extravagant soap bubble special effects to show off tight-fitting wedding gowns, scaly-looking evening dresses, outrageous bikinis and other garments made entirely of condoms. The show was held at the Fourth China Reproductive Health New Technologies and Products Expo and organized by China’s largest condom manufacturer, Guilin Latex Factory, to promote the use of condoms in the fight against HIV/AIDS. It also marked World Population Day, organized annually by the U.N. Population Fund.

See pictures from the fashion show below. Click on picture to enlarge.

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Other People’s Kids (aka OPKs)

•August 22, 2007 • 1 Comment

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I like kids, but every time I see them screaming at their mom in the parking lot, my reproductive organs shrivel up a bit more. Most people think their own children are lovely, entertaining, and just the cutest things that ever walked the face of the earth. It’s “other people’s kids” that are taking the store down with them. It’s “other people’s kids” that can’t help but squirm, kick seats, and run up and down the aisles during movies. Sometimes parents don’t know when their kid is the child star of every adult’s nightmares. Answer these questions (honestly) to find out if you’re raising an OPK:

*Have you ever had to leave a public place because your child was embarrassing you by throwing a temper tantrum?

*Have other adults given you and your child THE LOOK (ya know, the head shake and disapproving stare)? Does the area around you and your child seem to magically clear out after you two arrive?

*Have you ever had to bribe or convince your child to behave (especially in public)?

*Have you ever had to pay for something in a store that you didn’t want to buy because your child damaged it?

*Have you ever had to pay a babysitter extra money in order to persuade them to watch your child?

*And once you do manage to find a babysitter, does the babysitter seem overly happy and/or relieved when you arrive to pick up your child? (Note: If you don’t get a positive report from the babysitter, then something terrible happened.)

*Does the facial expression below look too familiar? Does your child wear this facial expression at least twice a day?

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If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, then I’m sorry to inform you that your child is the dreaded “other people’s kid.”

If you answered “no” to all of these questions (or don’t have any kids of your own), then you might enjoy this: http://www.amazon.com/I-Hate-Other-Peoples-Kids/dp/1416909885/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/102-8546345-4013714?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1187797707&sr=8-1

Two Thumbs Down

•August 17, 2007 • 1 Comment

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OK, I admit it: I’m one of those people who likes to watch TV with the remote in my hand and flip through channels at the speed of light, especially during commercials. As a matter of fact, I hate commercials. Did you know that most network shows can be seen online with way less (and way shorter) commercial breaks? Just when I thought I figured out a way to get around watching commercials…I went to the movies. Who told movie theaters we want to see TV commercials at the movies? Isn’t that why we’re at the movies instead of sitting on our couches with the remote in our hand? Because nothing good is on TV? So not only do I now have to sit through 15 minutes of previews for movies I don’t plan on ever seeing in this lifetime, I’m paying $9.50 to see TV commercials. And I can’t even change the damn channel…

Different Day, Same Song

•August 16, 2007 • Leave a Comment

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Every two weeks or so, I get a call from a marketing company that surveys my opinion about the current playlist at my favorite radio station. How does it work? I listen to a tape featuring all (20) of the currently played songs and give my opinion on each song using the following scale:

  1. Unfamiliar (never heard of it)
  2. Never Liked
  3. Tired of (used to like it but now tired of it)
  4. Neutral (no opinion)
  5. Like
  6. Favorite (turn it up and sing along to it)

My opinions of songs help determine what stays and what gets trashed from the music playlist. Thank God for this, because otherwise I wouldn’t ever listen to the radio. I’m so sick of hearing the same 15 songs played all day, every day for 6 months straight. It gets to the point where I can go somewhere for 30 minutes, get back in my car, and the same song that was playing when I was driving to my destination is back on the same station! As many artists as there are out there waiting for their big break, I’m sure radio program managers can manage to sneak in some new songs more often than they do. There’s 24 hours worth of air time on the radio. Take some musical risks, dammit! Maybe if most radio stations weren’t owned by one company (*cough* Clear Channel *cough*), they would be more open to experimenting with non-formulaic songs and artists.

Dear Mr. Top 40-loving Radio Station Manager and Mr. Same-ol’-Song Music Program Manager:

I don’t want to be able to memorize a “new” song because it’s my 124th time hearing it within 3 hours after the first time I heard it.

Sincerely,

A genuine music fan

Slow as Hell, Aggressive Drivers

•August 14, 2007 • Leave a Comment

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While driving on the freeway today, someone cut me off to drive slower than me. Who does this? If I’m driving over the speed limit and I’m still moving too slow for you, then by all means, pass me up. But to get back in my lane and cause me to slam on my breaks because of speed miscalculation? That’s permission to get my road rage on. Don’t be mad when I make good on my “I Breaksuddenly for Tailgaters” bumper sticker. And I don’t care that you’re a cop.

Welcome to Hatersville

•August 14, 2007 • Leave a Comment

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Everyday things irritate the hell out of me, so this blog is an outlet for venting random, as well as focused, frustrations. Antisocial feelings lead to antisocial actions, which most likely lead to catching a criminal case. Since orange and vertical steel bars aren’t a good look for me, airing my grievances here will have to do. Blogging as a cure for crime prevention? Consider this my good Samaritan deed for life.